Warning: Full spoilers for the episode follow...
While I’m happy that we’re still hanging with the cool new characters that populate the underground lair of the Vampire Authority, “Whatever I Am, You Made Me” dragged a bit simply because Bill and Eric were, you know, also still hanging around the underground lair of the Vampire Authority. No, I didn’t mind seeing Tina Majorino (Napoleon Dynamite, Veronica Mars) as a quirky vampire techie who fits them with their kill vests ("You guys are too cute to be goo”), but then, afterward, it really felt like the two of them should have been released to go hunt down Russell. But no, they had one more night to spend in the keep, sexing it up with the mysterious contemporary-of-Jesus, Salome, who is somehow able to determine whether or not the two of them are die-hard Sanguinistas via copulation.
A lot of this episode hinged on Italian actress Valentina Cervi and whether or not she was able to make Salome an interesting addition to the show. And I’ll go so far as to say that the “idea of Salome” is interesting, but that her actual portrayal felt very dry and underwhelming. And while it’s very true that she looks great naked, I’m not completely sold on her being Roman’s “secret weapon.” It’s hard to actually present us with a seductress on a show like this as it seems very likely that Bill and Eric, at that point, would have slept with any attractive female vamp that put the moves on them. Hell, Eric just banged the s*** out of Nora the day before. So what they’re trying to show us here is someone who can somehow get Bill and Eric to offer up intimate details about their soulless desires. A legendary manipulator. I don’t know. It came off as dull to me.
More intriguing was the fact that Salome tried, softly, to convince Roman to change his views on the anti-mainstreaming movement. Which does raise a few questions about where her heart ultimately lies on the whole issue. Especially since her protegee Nora seems to believe that Lilith will rise from the grave and violently put an end to mainstreaming. Again though, Roman seems like such a powerful, badass character that his views on mainstreaming, and his belief that humans birthed the vamps, comes off as a dichotomy. He seems like more the kind of vampire who’d want to farm humans as food (which was the plot of this past season’s Supernatural, by the by). But I think the one thing that bugs me about the Roman story right now is that...they brought in Reverend Steve! Steve, who now seems to hop around from story to story in the True Blood-verse. Yes, his utter goofiness is now infecting the one, decent thread this show has. Hopefully, now that Steve’s been named the new media face of the Authority, he can clear out of Roman’s sight and just pop up on TV (and Bon Temps) now and again.
On the Bill and Eric front, I was way more interested in the Pam-related flashback showing us the way that Bill and Eric actually met; with Bill and Lorena being the undead fiends who were draining Pam’s prostitutes. It was a pretty cool way to show us that one of the reasons Bill’s always been a bit resentful of Eric is due to the fact that Eric knew Bill back when Bill was a monster. Before he was the “enlightened gentleman” who courted Sookie.
And speaking of Sookie, it was time for her to actually go back to Merlotte’s and work a dinner shift. There she finds out that Sam had stored a sleeping, vampire Tara in the walk-in freezer, leading to all sorts of hi-jinx that ended with, yes, Tara running away again. But now both of Sookie’s secrets are out of the bag, as not only does everyone now know that Tara’s a vampire, but Alcide knows that Sookie killed Debbie. I’m not sure what they have in store for Sookie this summer (other than probably hooking up with Alcide) but she’s really started things off with a series of well-intentioned mistakes. I’m not sure if this means that she’s going to eventually need Bill or Eric’s help because she’s a f*** up machine when she’s on her own, but she’s not having the best time of it right now. On a side note, it was fun to see her blast Pam with her pixie power. It seems like she’s confident and ready to use it when the situation calls for it. It's really the only cool thing to have come out of the fairy storyline.
And while I’ve run hot and cold with Tara over the years, I’m okay with the vampire stuff. Yes, it would have been better for the show if she had bought it, but that’s mostly because the show needs to kill off someone. And she was most people’s pick to go. But I’m always up for watching a new vampire find their footing and Tara’s been so bitter about so much for so long that her becoming, essentially, what she hates most actually feels like one of the most natural arcs on this series. Plus, if they ever commit to the Pam/Tara maker-ship, things could get adequately enjoyable.
Then there’s the rest. Blerg. Jason having sex with an old teacher who apparently turned him into a sex addict for life by seducing him as a teenager; making him, once again, become self-reflective about what an idiot screw-up he is. Hoyt putting in guy-liner and hitting the Fangtasia dance floor. Debbie’s parents looking for signs of Debbie. Andy’s ass winding up on Facebook. Oh, and Terry taking off to have some "outside Bon Temps" adventures with Patrick? We have to actually purposefully follow him on an honest-to-goodness side adventure? Just awful.
While this episode felt excessive meandering, I'll still head back into the Pam flashback one more time and say that I liked the way that Pam basically forced Eric (who had an unexpected kind streak back then) to turn her into a vampire. That scene also spoke volumes about their relationship; with her being the vampire he never wanted to make. The flashbacks this season are in serious danger of being vastly more interesting than anything going on in the present-day stories.
Matt Fowler is an Editor of IGN TV. You can follow him on Twitter at @MattIGN and IGN.
Source : ign[dot]com
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